Friday, August 1, 2008

Discipline with Dignity

The authors of this approach beleive teachers must calmly accept being called nasty names and other verbal abuse as they try to help at-risk students in their class? Is this a reasonable expectation of a professional. Would another approach be better? Explain...

16 comments:

BrYan said...

I believe it to be hard, but I would love to try it this year. I get upset when I have to repeat things over and over again and do not take a liking to being cursed at nor having other students being cursed at. I'm a bit tired, however, of getting all stressed out and worked up over it. Just calmly respond and follow your procedures and hopefully you have the backing of parents and administration in the ultimate consequences for the student.

Tom B said...

There are many times throughout the year where I become really frustrated at kids as a result of their disrespect and and unwillingsness to follow rules. I can recall a number of verbal battle I got into with kids over the littlest thing as a result of my frustration. I found that remaining calm and talking to them in a calm manner really helps to get the point across. I just wish I was able to stay in control all the time.... This is one of my goals for the upcoming school year.

Ms. Markley said...

Wow. That is a tough one. I think you can stay calm, but you don't have to accept the behavior. Yes, you will have to accept the fact that a student called you a name, but you don't have to sit there and do nothing about it. I tend to forget that I am dealing with kids sometimes. I forget that they don't think like I do at all. Maybe calling names is how their parents deal with each other. It is what they have learned. I need to remember that and not get so angry at them. I always feel personally insulted by their behavior, when it might have nothing to do with me at all. I would agree that yelling probably doesn't help much, so staying calm is better. But, a kid needs to know there are consequences for calling a teacher a name, the same as if you were badmouthing your boss at work. You can still talk through it with them also.

Michele S said...

I love the philosophy behind discipline with dignity. Doesn't everyone want to be treated this way? If a teacher has established a classroom built on mutual respect and has structures and routines in place that give students the sense of responsibility for their actions, then this is a proactive approach to squelch hostile behavior in the first place. I don't think that the 6 step solution would be worthwhile in this severe case. However, by remaining calm it is modeling self control for the student. I would think if a student is doing this and the teacher is effective in his/her practices then something else much larger is going on with this student and someone needs to take an interest and help him out with his projected anger. I think Albert's 6D Conflict Resolution plan might be more effective and target the specific problem.

thompson said...

I noticed that most of the models presented did stress the importance of a calm environment. I think it is important to stay calm, even when verbally attacked by a student. Of course, it's going to be more difficult for some people. Like Tom, I'd like to try and keep my cool a little better this year. I'm not one to flip out, but I tend to let students get to me and am guilty of showing that. I don't think we should ever "accept" being called a name or being abused by a student. How we handle it, however, can diffuse the situation and would let the student know that you're not going to engage in a verbal battle.

canderson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
canderson said...

Every year I have at least 3 or 5 and sometimes more students who habitually exhibit aggressive behaviors. I have a very calm personality and I don’t need the last word. I think sometimes a teacher’s angry comments and body language provoke the situation. Even if the teacher does get the last word, they still lose. The class sees the teacher get angry and lose control. A teacher’s display of anger may jeopardize other students’ trust in them. I have removed students from the classroom for aggressive behavior. I always try to isolate them from the classroom before they get to their boiling point and start losing control. I’m fortunate in that our principals are very accepting of students coming to the office or guidance to cool off. The verbal abuse does require a consequence and an apology but this could be dealt with at the end of the day or the next day.

Anonymous said...

My elementary perspective is very different from secondary, because I don't think name-calling and verbal abuse is something I should accept in the classroom. What kind of message is that for the rest of the class? What about respect? I have a teaching degree, I am not a child psychologist or therapist and I feel overloaded as it is with my responsibities.
However, if a counselor or principal were not available, I would have to do something. Perhaps Glasser's calm questioning, respectful treatment on my part, and giving him some time to cool down so that we could talk further (if student's willing) off to the side would work. This takes a lot of self-control on my part, and I have to think about what the other students can be doing while I'm trying to deal with this student, so I'd be feeling frustrated, too. I have never had to deal with this situation, but if he/she didn't calm down, I'd want someone else to step in, even if it's another teacher, who can have a different perspective on the situation.

Lauren @ with two cats said...

I didn't find that the authors believed teachers needed to accept being verbally abused by their students, but that they did need to handle situations calmly and privately. I think this can sometimes be difficult but I think that it should be the ultimate goal. I don't think that it is professional or beneficial for a teacher to get into a screaming match with a student and it rarely solves the problem.

Unknown said...

I agree with the calm part, I know that in the past there have been times when some action has pushed my buttons. As in class I stated that some of my past reaction were from the Drill Sergant in me. I have change an taken the calm that Curwin & Mendler suggest. I also agree that losing it on a student does send the wrong message to the class. I also know that I can not ignore it will have to be confronted sometime either 1 on 1 or maybe with a peer or an administrator with myself and the student. I think if the class observes nothing happening this might make them feel that something similar could happen to them in that enviorment.

Brian G said...

For me personally, it doesn't bother me if a student calls me names. I guess I dont really care that much if they "hate me," or if "I suck." Those are both phrases which have been used toward me in past two years. Both of which stemmed from me not letting the kids play games on the computers...

Anyway, I think it is vital that a teacher not get upset and scream if a student calls the teacher a name. By yelling and screaming back at them, we place ourself on their level, and immediatly lose our position of authority. Keeping a cool head can be at times difficult, but I feel that it is very important. Just take it with a smile and know that most of the time they call you those name, because you are doing your job.

Unknown said...

If I have a student who is acting out or misbehaving to the point that it is upsetting me, I usually will talk to the student and try to find out what is going on with him/her. I avoid arguing with a student because nothing good ever comes from that. I think most misbehaviors can be dealt with by responding calmly and following procedures. ..... With that said, I feel.....It is unacceptable for me to name call and/or verbally abuse a student. Why would it be acceptable for a student to verbally abuse me???? In my opinion, that kind of behavior at any level is inappropriate and unacceptable by ANY student (ES, LS, AP, or difficult). I have found the most effective way to handle a student who is verbally abusive to me or anyone else in the classroom is to calmly and confidently pull the student aside; state to them, "Your behavior was inappropriate and unacceptable." In our Student Handbooks (which each advisor discusses with the students in the beginning of the year)it is stated that "open defiance and disrespectful behavior" towards a teacher or any staff member in our building is an automatic office referal. Believe me, none of our students want that! Fortunately for me, I do have administrators who are supportive, consistent and clear on discipline in our building. ..... and I truly believe that that is one of the reasons why I have very few disciplinary problems throughout the school year. The rules are clear, fair, consisent and understood by everyone in our building.

KWE said...

Remaining calm in tense situations is often the first instruction in emergency training. Many of our behaviorists have encouraged calmness. It is easier said than done. In the situation described, I think it is essential to remain as calm as possible but even more important to not respond in kind. It would not be appropriate for a teacher to yell back and/or call a student names. I think it would be appropriate to, in a calm, quiet voice, ask the student over and over again to take a breath, get themselves in control, think about what they were doing. Meanwhile, the teacher should be running options through their head and deciding on which established behavior plan action they should be taking. Calling for back-up help seems appropriate to me. The situation is unhealthy for the student, the teacher and for any observers. Is at-risk a key phrase in this question? Would there be an action plan in place already for an at-risk student? If the situation could not be removed from the classroom, then the entire class would need a debriefing of some sort. I think it would be appropriate to not have the student back in that teacher's classroom - ever. Remaining calm is a way for the teacher to maintain dignity in a bad situation. I honestly can not think of any approach that would be better. This sounds like a last chance, worst case scenario. Thank you to all the upper level educators who deal with these situations. I will stay with the little ones whose difficulties are better suited to my skill sets.

angela said...

I will not ever calmly accept being spoken to disrespectfully.

I can calmly react, but I will never "accept" it.

When we are ever treated disrespectfully, the way we react to it is a lesson that the whole class learns...."can we do that too and get away with it?"...they might be thinking...Let's see how she reacts.

If a teacher "accepts" it, then it is not keeping the professionalism that I feel is needed for a teacher/leader in the classroom to have.

You indirectly show every student in your room the right and wrong way to behave when you react to any situation, so they learn from these unfortunate events (being treated disrespectfully) whether you think they do or not.

It is your role to teach them that you will not "accept" being treated that way, and you can still remain calm when you lay down the law.

Janice said...

My first 3yrs of teaching, I was called a few nasty names and at first I would get mad and yell but that really didn't help the situation. It just made my blood pressure rise. I got used to hearing a few names in Spanish as I only ever remembered learning these words when I was a kid-LOL. I got used to hearing swear words from time to time..I found that if I ignored it, it stopped. If I didn't give them the reaction they wanted, it stopped. The misbehavior was still punished but they didn't get the reaction they wanted :o). I had a student who would bark at me- never spoke, just barked. I yelled then I stayed straight faced and calm. One day, I couldn't take it anymore and I started laughing and the entire class laughed with me...the behavior STOPPED! Surprise! It stopped and no more barking from him ever again.
So, I believe there always needs to be a consequence but raising my blood pressure by yelling helped no one. Remaining calm was better for my health and everyone's sanity :o).

bethann said...

I think this is the hardest part of the job to handle. When students are disrespectful toward my lessons or me as a teacher, I take special offense because I dedicate myself to making my class the best it can be. As a result, my reactions to instances of blatant disrespect are usually fueled by anger. I do not get angry very often, but when I do my students know it. I think this works well for me because they know when they have crossed the line. I do think it is important to approach the situation calmly and in a dignified way because neither the teacher nor the student will be in the right frame of mind in the heat of the moment when tempers are flaring. I think the redundancy of repeating the procedures may lead to the students tuning the reinforcement out.